Today marks the day that 15 years ago my mother died.  She was only 56, so when I think of her she's young and vibrant with her great smile and silly sense of humor.  I am becoming my mother and that makes me proud!  She did a pretty good job (exhibit A is telling you this) and I'm so glad she got to get out of this life and relax on the other side.  Do I miss her?  Yup.  More than anything.  Would I change things and redo that day that she died?  Nope.  That day had a monumental impact on me, my father, brother, aunts, uncles, cousins, her friends, colleagues, the town, the community, and everyone I share the story with.  So no, I wouldn't change it.  Not even to tell her I loved her and to say goodbye.  I'd be doing that for me, not her, and I'm at peace with the way things are.

Sitting at the bus stop at 8:30 this morning I absent mindedly mentioned to Z, who is now nine and a half, that around this time Grammy Mary Ellen pretty much died.  Not sure what made me phrase it like that, because of course he asked what I meant by "pretty much."  See, she was hit by a car on her morning walk at 7am.  I told him she really died the second she was hit, but that the paramedics job is to keep her heart beating and oxygen flowing until the doctor can try to save her.  He gave this some thought.  I told him that her spirit was already in heaven, but by noon gramps had to help her body go.  And that they had to pull the plug.  Ugh.  What the hell made me SAY that?!  "Gramps had to pull the plug?"  Well, no.  Gramps had to say it was ok for the doctors to turn off the machines that were keeping her alive.  Silence. 

Then all of a sudden my car got really "full" of energy.  Mom had shown up and was sitting there in the back seat with Z.  I know when my intuitive child is aware of energy around him, because if they're familiar to him he gets really quiet.  If you know my son, you know this is NOT normal for him!  In my head I said "Hi ma."  Let me tell you, she was pretty excited to be part of the morning routine today!  I heard her say (in my head)

"SA!  This is so much fun!  Can we go get ice cream today?!" 

My mother LOVED ice cream, and although I had thought about maybe getting us a cupcake or something to celebrate her life, ice cream never crossed my mind.  I told Z she wanted us to get one and got a "Ya, sure."  That part was outloud from Z.  LOL!  Funny that I have to differentiate between the out loud and the witchy chatter in my head.  He snapped out of the zone he was in, looked to see if I was crying (I wasn't) and he got out and hopped on the bus.

15 years is a long ass time to be without you real mother physcially present in your life.  As much as I say June 5th doesn't bother me, sometimes it does.  It does when I think about it or let it.  I prefer to look at it as her graduation day and the day that my path shifted, leading me ultimately to where I am today.  Every day I am grateful, although I think it's fair to say it's been one hell of a ride. 

Today I did a really amazing reading with someone who has seen me face to face and had a phone reading before.  She asked about her dogs, and then who was around her.  You know who showed up to chat?  God.  Yup.  The big guy.  Now those of you who know me will agree that I'm not a preacher by any means, I was raised Catholic and it just didn't do it for me, and up until about 12 years ago I would have argued that the whole God thing is a great story but in my mind it was a bit of a crock.   I still believe that some formal religion is used for power and control established through fear, but today I have a different perspective on the whole thing.  And I have seen God.  He has come to people while I've done energy work on them and every now and then he shows up in a reading to have a heart to heart with someone. 

Towards the end of the reading someone else "showed up" by making my left ear ring and almost go deaf.  It was her grandfather on her fathers side, someone she said she never knew.  So why would he be around?  I told her that my great grandfather on my fathers side is the only grandfather figure I knew.  After my divorce and when I was trying to get my life back on track, I'd smell tobacco smoke in the downstairs guest room.  Which is also where the hope chest he made my grandmother is....  It was him and my psychic friends (yup, perk of the job) chatted with him he just wanted me to know he was proud and that I was on track.  He was sort of hanging out, letting me know I'm not alone and that he's here to help or support me energetically.

After telling her all that she said she had been smelling smoke, too!  See how that works?  When I have this urge to tell you something about me, it's usually because it's also about you.  She asked again why he was there and this is the part I find fascinating.  He said because he never knew her in this lifetime he got to visit her and be free of other people's views of her, her own views of herself, and simply enjoy her for who her soul really is.  Her essence.  And when he was alive he had to behave, stay clean and in his suit and uphold a certain image.  When he was energetically sitting beside her as she drove, he could feel playful and get the car dusty and be free!  She could get an ice cream and if it dripped on her shirt no one "reprimanded" her.  He enjoyed that and is just making some visits. 

So.  You may have people around you that you wouldn't expect.  They see you for the light being that you are, and not the person buried in layers of judgement or unfulfilled expectations.  They're viewing you from a no judement zone.  Pretty cool, huh?

I had an interesting reading this morning with a woman who had lost a friend recently.  She wanted reassurance that she was alright, although she knew deep down that she was.  But there was that sense of not really knowing what happens when you die that left a tinge of fear.  Here's how it was explained to her.

Everything we do gets written down on a huge white dry erase board.  Lots of people fear that when they get to the pearly gates or face "God" he's going to judge them based on what's on this board.  Instead, imagine if that board gets totally wiped clean and then it's up to YOU to write the big things that need to be addressed.  You won't be in this physical shell, you won't have ego or pressure to list the "right" answer.  You will simply be asked what were the biggies that need to be processed a little more for your soul to acknowledge the lessons learned in this lifetime.  What happens after that is not for you to worry about right now.

I have my own beliefs on what happens, or how karma works.  But sit with the thought of the dry erase board.  What would you put on it?  What do you want to erase?  How can you find peace with that right now?

You know those moments, days or years when you get stuck on something or someone and you justs can't seem to let it or them go?  Well, I had one last week.  And to be honest, it really just flat out pissed me off.  Why is life so hard some times?  I KNOW that things happen for a reason. I KNOW timing can make or break a situation.  I KNOW that it all works out exactly as it should, but dammit sometimes that just sucks and all the knowing in the world doesn't make it any easier when you're the one living it.

I was having a very human experience and it made me sad, angry, frustrated and irritated.  So I went through a few tissues, reflected back on all that I've been through, and decided I was going to take a shower and wash off all that old stuff.  Sounds so simple, huh?  In the shower I had a converstation (out loud, and speaking to their higher self because there were just some things I had to say to get out of me) with the players involved.  It felt a little better and I turned the water just a little hotter to make sure I was fully present.  I was.  I had to turn it down before I scalded myself. 

Then I smiled when I realized that all of these things I've been going through haven't broken me.  I may be a bit guarded these days, but someone reminded me that I have allowed my heart to open more than I ever thought possible these past few years.  And it's true.  I had a pretty good wall up with sharp shooters guarding the gate since college and only recenlty have I let them go on leave. 

So then I listed out the qualities I want to invite into my life.  Both from people, a partner, etc.  All of it.  It was quite a list!  Honorability, honesty, integrity, love, passion, available, secure, playful, romantic (oh!  that wasn't on it but I'm adding it now!), assuredness, etc.  I can't even think of everything I said, but it took a little bit for me to get it all out.  And then I let the water flow over my head, down my body, and down the drain.  I visualized it being sent out to the universe to hear and accept my wishes. 

That night I had the most intense dreams.  I dreamt that I was painting a red heart on a small stone, but that the color quickly turned to a thick and delicious yellow.  I was surprised, but I commented that I guess I was standing in my power and it felt good.  Then I went to take a picture of it and I accidentally sent it to 1,017 of my contacts.  I don't think I even know that many people, but I do in dreamland apparently!  I panicked for a moment because I didn't want everyone to see it, and then I thought, Oh NO! There's no taking that back!  But then it felt ok.  I was proud of my little rock with my yellow heart on it.

Then I was in the basement of a houseI was temporarily living in.  I was aware that there was only one window in my bedroom down there, and that if I closed it I'd be too hot and there'd be no breeze.  But that if I left my window open people could get in if they wanted to.  I decided to leave it open because I really felt safe.  See?  See?  Are you following this?!  Fascinating!

And then, before I woke up, I had another dream.  For some reason all the furniture was out of my house and was airing out on the lawn.  I thought, what a perfect time to vacuum before I bring it all back in.  To have a fresh start. But when I started vacuuming, all this used kitty litter showed up.  It was really gross and I had to vacuum paths through it so that I could avoid getting it on my bare feet.  I had to clean the thing out or twice because there was so much of it.  But I got it all by the end.  So gross. I think that just means I had a lot of shit to get rid of?

There were more dreams but those are the ones that seem relevant to the exercise in the shower.  My slate has been cleared.  I have been reminded that I am strong.  And that I am standing in my power.  And I am grateful to all of those people and experiences that have got me to here.  Maybe someday I'll even thank some of them personally.  But not today.  Today I'm still negotiating with my human free will and wraping my head around all this!

I really enjoyed pulling cards for you yesterday, so I'm doing it again today.  I debated what to ask and finally settled on two questions.  What have you forgotten about who you are and what are you capable of when you fully surrender?

I will tell you that as I tried to shuffle this deck, which is one of the more "witchy" ones I use, I had a really hard time phrasing the question until it felt right, and twice I dropped about half the deck.  That just tells me that I'm not asking it correctly and that maybe I was using the wrong cards.  But I felt that they were the right ones and these two "jumped."

What have you forgotten about who you are?  See the light on his chest, forehead, top of his head and radiating down?  That light is there and available for you.  There's the very human-ness in this picture.  But we are all made of energy, and we are being reminded to let that shine.  What are you fully capable of if you fully surrender?  And what the heck do I mean by that?  What if you remembered that we are all energy, light, source, God, and that it is within all of us but also surrounds all of us.  Our untapped potential exists.  Our light can shine from within and radiate to all corners of this lifetime and beyond. 

To me, the second card is what we would look like if we got energetically naked.  No more body or life experiences to muddle us up.

What do you see in them? 

Sara

Quite often I get asked if I read cards.  Yes.  But not the way a traditional Tarot reader does.  My psychic sense directs me more than the true interpretation of the card.  Meaning I don't have a set meaning for what a certain suit or number means every time I pull it.  The same card can have very different meanings to me, but will be totally appropriate and "decodable" for your given situation and question.  

I'm going to use my Housewife Tarot deck (which are absolutely hysterical and awesome) to ask for an overall indication of how I am in my life at this moment.  The seven of pentacles card just jumped out as I was shuffling.  (I took a picture of it with this blog in the background so you know I didn't rig it) I love it!  It's an image of a woman wearing a sun hat, which I like to wear, surrounded by blooming gardens and a tree filled with pentacles.  To me this image represents that I am enjoying the fruits of my labor, so to speak, and that I even have enough flowers to cut some and put them in my basket.  I am on the right track and I kind of do feel as relaxed as the woman in the image!  Looking at her, it kind of looks like me a little.  Thanks cards!

Let me ask a question for you.  I'm going to use my fairy cards.  What do you need to know about your current situation?  Follow your dreams.  Ok..... There's a lot going on in this card and I want you to read it for yourself.  There are three angels around a sleeping mother fairy.  A dove of freedom is flying away.  What are you letting go of?  Or what messages have you been sending up to the heavens?  They're being relayed.  The great blue heron is such a powerful animal totem for me.  I see them as validators for me, indicating that I'm exaclty where I should be.  There is the white butterfly down below in the darkness, trying to rasie up to the light that surrounds the fairy woman.  Roses represent my mom to me, so to ME it also means she's with me. 

So what does it mean to you?  I will admit that one little angel or fairy creeps me out a bit.  LOL!  I love the message of the card, though.  Anyone can learn to read cards.  I'm actually teaching a class on it April 29th from 6-7:30pm.  I've had fun with this post and will try to pull more cards for you this week!

Spring is a really good time to take inventory of your current situation.  Not the past, not what you're going to have tomorrow, but what's in your closets today.  Those closets could be literal or figurative.  What do you have?  Think about it.

Love?  Anger?  Joy?  Peace? Financial Security?  Family?  Time off?  Fun?  Stress?  Pain?  Relief?  Faith?  Abunance?  Resentment?  Success?

This list could go on and on, but these are some of the first words that popped up for me.  Which words or emotions do you want to keep there?  Which ones do you hate to see on the list?  And then ask yourself, why are they there?  Everything we have on our shelves/closets/mind are serving some purpose.  For example, some people who like to live in total chaos use that as an excuse to prevent them from really dealing with some other issues in their lives.  So chaos is serving a purpose.  But it may not be in their best interest.

So today, take some time to think about this exercise.  Make a list of what you  have at this very moment on your shelves.  Then circle the ones you want to keep, or the things you know are in your best interest.  Then have an honest dialog with yourself about why the "negative" things are still there.  Why are they there?  It could simply be because it's familiar to you and you've always had them.  Do they need to stay? What does it look like to reduce or eliminate them?  What are you going to put in their place? 

I'm not asking you to make enormous changes in one day.  But once you have identified the "clutter" or "expired product" you can make room for what makes you feel vibrant and alive.  Then you can proceed with finding a way to make this happen.  Remember to ask your higher power or your guides or loved ones in heaven to help this process unfold. 

Enjoy!

Yesterdays post is a good lead in to chat about expectations.  Some part of me has this expectation that my son should want to put a worm on a hook and enjoy all the boyness of the act.  When I was his age I hated touching the squirmy things so it seems odd that I would think he'd like it.  So are my expectations that my 9 year old son (who hates getting really dirty) will do this on his own perhaps unrealistic?  Yes.  Yesterday when we went fishing I told him that he HAD to try at least holding a worm and hopefully get it on a hook.  I was frustrated and grumpy.  Which made him frustrated and grumpy.  After working all angles to get him to try it, he got as far as touching the worm while I was holding it.  Some would say this was progress.  In the moment, I saw this as simply frustrating.

Why was it even a big deal?  Well, every time I'd cast and start to enjoy fishing I'd have to stop and help him.  It was terribly annoying.  UNTIL I said, Screw It, I don't need to fish and I will find joy in WATCHING him fish.  You know what? As soon as I shifted my expectations (or more importantly let them go), he caught a decent size bass and the worms miraculously started staying on his hook.  Even better:  we had fun.  Who knew, huh?  Bottom line is I have no idea when he'll figure out how to fish on his own.  If he doesn't, it'll still fun to be able to spend time with him.  My expectations were setting us both up to fail.  And man did we ever fail.

How many times do your expectations for someone result in disappointment?  I can honestly say it is happening less frequently to me now that I'm becoming more aware of it.  There are some people that I just have to accept  for who they are and not be so fully invested in how I may perceive their choices are negatively affecting them.  I do get frustrated with people who I feel have more potential than what they're realizing, but it's their choice.  Who the hell am I to judge them for that?!  So I'm working on being present with no expectations.

Yesterday Z and I ended mother's day by getting an ice cream in North Conway right across from the Scenic Vista rest area.  It's quite beautiful and we could see Mount Washington through a layer of foggy clouds.  Sitting peacefully beside my boy, I watched as a hawk started circling up, higher and higher, riding the wind.  Hawks are so symblic for me because they remind me that we can shift our perspective and see things from above.  Sometimes street view can be muddled.  But when you rise up you can see the other circumstances or players that may be affecting a given situation.  It can also be a good way to check back in with your expectations of a situation and evaluate if perhaps they are unfair, unrealistic or simply no longer necessary.

Now if you could hear the sarcasm lacing the title "Mother's Day" you would know right away this isn't going to be a warm and fuzzy post about  how the joys of motherhood are all wrapped up into this one day.  And no, breakfast was not served to me in bed this morning.  I actually had to toast my son's waffles (home made pumpkin spice ones I made and had in the freezer) and hand it to him while he sat on the couch watching mind numbing tv.  After I type this, I'm driving him to a store to buy sandals because he cut his foot while we were fishing yesterday.  We went twice.  Once in the morning, once in the evening until the black flies chased us out.  I baited all the hooks with live worms and took off the 9 fish he caught.  They were little and luckily they were easy to release. So we're going fishing after buying sandals, and before I take him to baseball practice at 4pm.

I'm reading posts on facebook about how some of my mom friends have been served breakfast in bed.  And how they get flowers or mimosas, and are really honored for their momness.  My son has known two houses:  Moms and dads, since he was 18 months old.  He has never seen me get doted on, and I would say the only huge failure in the divorce was not really teaching him to resepct all that I (and we) do for him.  There's a sense of entitlement.  And it drives me fucking nuts.  I can compare it to getting fat.  You start with a pound here or there, which goes unnoticed.  And then all of a sudden you're up 12 pounds and you wonder how the hell that happened? Of course, being mostly single since the divorce I haven't really given myself the benefit of having a person in the mix that would dote on me and teach him how to step up and be more helpful.

I know that Z is a loving child.  He is the most bizarre and awesome kid I know, and I'm so psyched to be his mom.  This morning I told him that one of my work trips was postponed because the woman I was going with has to stay with her father, who is dying.  Know what he said?  "I'm sorry.  I'm really sad for her."  From a nine year old.  The same nine year old who didn't like what I proposed for dinner and when I threw my hands up and forfeited parenting for the night he actually said "Shut up."  So at 7:18pm I was showered and in bed while he tried to figure out how to toast a bagel and feed himself.  He burned his finger in the process and I looked at it, told him he was going to live, and rolled over and fell asleep.  It just didn't quite seem fair that this was how my mothers day weekend was going.

And then, you can add on that my mother is dead.  It'll be 15 years June 5th.  I missed out on telling her I was pregnant, seeing her hold her grandson for the first time, and to call her to tell her how much I miss and love her.  Normally I'm ok with her being gone, but tears are streaming down my cheeks as I write this I guess today I'm not.  Of couse, if she hadn't died when and how she did I'd still probably be working at some corporate job I hated and in an unsatisfying marriage.  So I get it.  But today it just hurts.

So.  Do I feel any better now that I've gotten this out?  A little.  Do I hope that Z magically "gets" that Mother's day should be every day?  Yup.  And when I hit post and get up to tell him we're going to get him some sandals and more worms, will he remember to bring his plate to the sink?  Doubtful.  Do I love him more than anything?  Yes.  Undoubtedly.  Will I bait his hooks today with wiggly worms?  Yes. Will I sneak hugs every chance because I know someday he'll be too cool?  Absolutely.  Will I get over last nights hellish ending?  Yes.  But that may take a second cup of coffee and a walk. 

Oh my god.  A mother's day mircale just happened!!!! 

Zachary just walked into the kitchen, put his plate in the sink and got himself some popcorn.  He didn't ask me to get it for him, he happily reminded me that the huge large mouth bass are especially hungry on mohters day and that we really do need to take a picture of us with it when he catches it.  Maybe I'm not doing so bad after all. 

Two weeks ago I got the crud that has been going around.  It started with the chills, then my skin hurt (if you've had it you know exactly what I'm talking about), my body then purged itself, then it progressed to an annoying cough before settling into my sinuses.  After 10 days I was on antibiotics and two weeks later I'm still dragging a bit. 

While I was laying in bed wishing I had someone to bring me a cold facecloth and maybe some soup I figured since my body was dumping things out it was a good time to do some active purging on my part, too.  I started with my phone and cleaned out all the old numbers.  Some were from old friends, past loves or love interests, old business contacts and a few people who've crossed over.  Except for my friend Pete, who died a few years ago.  I just like seeing his name in my phone and I felt the need to keep him.  I definitely culled the list pretty well!

Why the heck hadn't I done this sooner?  I don't  know.  Because maybe I was hoping some of them would call me?  Or because they represented a part of my life that is now my history?  I have no idea.  Because I had never taken the time is probably the most honest answer.  I know I've come a long way from even five years ago.  Getting sick and being forced to rest has been exceptionally frustrating for me, but I did my best to honor what my body was asking me to do.

I'm looking at this fresh start as an opportunity to get stronger, healthier, happier and to make space for the people I want in my life.  I'm chuckling because I don't really have a list of those people, but I do have the qualitites I want to surround myself with.  Honorability, joy, faith and faithfulness, respect, loving, generous, playful, wise.  Grounded.  Inspiried.  Healthy.  Active.  Motivated.  Fun. 

I'm hoping  you have been healthy and crud free!  Even if you have I'd recommend purging your contacts.  It feels really good! 

I am not the psychic that sits and reads books on what I do.  In college I read books on paganism simply because it fascinated me that the "witchy" holidays and celebrations were so similar to the "religious" ones I'd been taught as a child, but they made more sense to me.  I read books by Silver Ravenwolf and some other people I've long since forgotten the names of.  Then I read The Other Side and Back by Sylvia Browne in around 1999, and that really got me turned on to all the stuff I do today.  Sometimes I feel a little left out of the pyschic click because I can't really name drop and can't tetll you what the REAL people say about how we came to be, or what the angels names are, or why solar flares can really mess with our energy.

But I do know this.  I absolutely love what I do and I am blessed to be given the answers I need during readings.  Sometimes this means I talk about soul groups, other times I'll tell someone how to connect with the angels and perhaps even give them ways to raise their vibration to really let them flow through you.  I love when messages about clearing spirits come in or when I get to teach people how to do what I do.  Lately, a lot has come through about the huge energetic shifts that are happening.  Again, this is one of those areas that I haven't been researching all my life by reading up on it or watching movies about it.  I laugh as I type that, because I guess every day of my life could be considered research on some level! 

I am on track.  I am validated in every reading when information flows through me and out of my mouth, and when clients come back to thank me.  Compared to even a year ago, I'm feeling much more content with where I am.  My son Z is now nine, and he's been so silly and playful lately!  We are having fun!!!  Anyone raising an intuitive and often times self righteous child will know that it not always easy to do...  I have raised thousands for non profits that help animals, and that feels really good.  This past year I've been covered by more than a half dozen different media outlets, with another interview airing tomorrow on WGME channel 13 in Maine.  I got to perform a wedding ceremony on the coast of Maine.  I've opened two offices and both are doing exceptionally well!   I have worked with grieving parents, pet owners, parents about to welcome new life into this world and specialists in the medical and psychology fields to find alternative ways to help their patients,  My relationship with my family feels good, my perspective on work and play feels like it's becoming more in balance, and at this moment I love that I am sitting in my house with two cats curled up beside me and banana bread baking in the oven. 

I guess this is all part of the big shift people keep mentioning.  I'm shifting, but I'm on track, so it feels comfortable.  When things feel really overwhelming take a moment to understand why.  When you have the faith that you are at least doing what you came here to do changes are easier to embrace.   And when you have a moment like the one I'm having, stop and celebrate it.  It feels really good and appreciating where you are can open the doors for the future!

I have had some pretty crazy and intense experiences with energy in my house.  One time I could feel this mans energy walking towards my room from the hallway.  I could "feel" him creeping towards my room and I'd wake up from a sound sleep all sorts of freaked out.  One time it was so bad I debated leaving for the night but my son was in his crib and I figured that waking him up would have been even more disruptive, so I asked for my angels and mother to keep us safe.  The next day my mentor did a clearing for me while I was on the phone with her, and as I was telling her about how scary it felt I could feel the negative energy building.  Unfortunatley fear is a great fuel for that, and I was afraid! My pictures and things hanging on the wall began to shake as if there was an earthquake.  I had seen stuff like this in movies, but never in my own house.  Nor do I ever want to see that again, acutally!  She talked me through the clearing process and my house has never again felt that way. 

So how do you energetically clear a room?  To begin you have to protect yourself by calling in your higher powers; this can be angels, guides, God, etc.  I like to say "I only allow those of God's love and light into my space and into my life."  I imagine white light flowing through me and around me, expanding into whatever space I'm in.  Then I set the intention to release any spirits that are hanging around into the light and tell them that they have to go home.  Another mentor of mine told me that they are really just lost, and they think that I'm the light.  It's my job to lovingly- but firmly- tell them they have to go. 

If I feel like lighting sage, I'll light it and walk through my house, blowing or fanning it out towards the windows.  Be careful that you don't blow the embers everywhere!  You can put them in a fireproof bowl or large beach shell.  I have an old bowl that I typically use.  As you walk around, invoke your protection.  This is where I say "I only allow those of God's love and light into my space and into my life."  I vary my approach depending on what or who I'm clearing.  I have a Native American rattle that I use when I need to call in the big guns to assist me.  I walk in a circle and call in my higher powers.  Then I take sea salt and water (I usually have that mixed before I even begin) and I walk through the space while dipping my fingers into the salt water and flick it towards the windows, corners and pretty much where ever I'm drawn to.  I repeat my mantra and I tell any lost spirits or those who are stuck here to go up to the light. I may say something like "Everybody out!  Up!  Go up and out!  You have to go, go to the light!"  Now I know that sounds a little "witchy" as I write it, but it works for me!

Sometimes I'll envision a thick column of light leading them all the way up to the sun or stars.  I tell them to go, be free, to go up.  And that they are no long welcome in my space.  This is where you need to stand your ground.  If an energy doesn't want to go you may feel a little resistance.  It's non negotiable, and you are reclaiming your space.  They have to go.  Send them up and towards the light.  If they flat out refuse I ask for someone they loved while they were alive to stand at the end of the other side and invite them over.  This could be a person or animal, and they almost always go when they see them!

After I do this in all the rooms I usually either do the rattle and walk counter clockwise or burn a little more sage or  sweet grass.  You can buy braids of it and the smell of it reminds me of summer nights.  Sigh.  I do love even the thought of it as I type!  Because I'm an empath I can "feel" the house is lighter and quieter after a clearning.  When I'm done I ask that the space be protected and sealed.

What do you do if you don't want to smoke the place up?  Just imagine it!  Intent, in my opinion, trumps all else.  If you are intending to clear the space then cleared it will be.  Do you have to follow this to the letter?  Not at all!  Do what feels right for you.  I drink a lot of water and flush things out of me when I'm done.  LIterally and figuratively!  LOL!  That may be too much information but I know that it's my way of releasing whatever I take on during a reading or clearing. When in doubt, you can always ask someone to clear it for you.  It's not something I specialize in, but Kathleen Stone is who I'd recommend. I really do think that if you're still reading this you have the ability to do it on your own though!

There have always been scary things happening in the world.  I'm grateful I've grown up in a safe time and country, but that could change.  Scary thought, huh?  So what can we do to help shift from fear and anger to light and love?  Intend for it to be so. 

When I imagine the people of ISIS to me they are little dots of evil or darkness among us.  We represent the light that can outshine them if we collectively turn our lights on.  How do you do that? If you pray, pray!  Call on angels, God, Dog (little humor there), or your guides or loved ones in heaven to send healing and strength to us.  Imagine a white light or light of pink or whatever color represents love surrounding you, your family, your house, your town, your city, state, country, and then the world.  You can even take it further and all the way to the universe as we know it.

Here's the imagery I get when I want to remove the dark energy. 

I start by saying "I only allow those of God's love and light into my space and into my life."  Another friend of mine says, "This space is sacred, this space is light, this space is protected only good shall entered."  Imagine blowing a bubble and having that irridescense shimmering around you. That is the bubble of light and protection you need to envelop yourself in. 

Then I imagine the earth, and I feel like I'm looking at it from outter space.  I see beams of light shooting up, like those huge flood lights aiming straight up.  Then they start to slowly move aorund until they begin to unite.  They can all unite as one, or they call all grow and merge until the entire world is lit up.  Now imagine the world taking a huge breath in, with all of the power and strength from each and every one of us, all lights combining and uniting.  As the world exhales, all of those black dots get released from this earthly plane, and sucked up (to me it looks like magnets pulling them up and away) and they get absorbed into a light so bright they disappear forever. 

Wow.  That feels really good to me! 

On my next breath or breaths, I imagine those beacons of light filling all the gaps until there is no room for darkness to exist.  And then the world is enveloped in the swirling pinks, blues, yellows peaceful hues of our protective bubble.

I ask you to try this, please, and to spread it as far and wide as you can.  I don't care if you copy and paste it or email it, or revise it and share your own version.  Thank you so much.

I send you light and love, and may you be protected and safe in your journey. 

What does a Chakra Clearing mean, anyway?  I can only tell you what it means to me, and I may be oversimplifying it.  We're all made of energy.  We have energy centers that start at our lower pelvis, which is red, and they go up the colors of the rainbow until the forehead, which is violet, then up and out our heads is a brilliant white.  We hold emotions in these centers, and those emotions can manifest into physical ailments.  When a chakra is blocked, then there's a place where energy can't flow and that area becomes stuck. 

How do you know it's stuck?  I tend to see this more in how my physical body feels when I'm reading you.  I may feel my belly, or my tailbone, or my throat may feel tight.  As I type this my forehead is getting hot because my intuition is turning on.  Or you may have chronic health issues in an area of the body.  Belly issues, which correspond to the orange and yellow chakras, can be the result of something you experienced while growing up.

Ok.  I could go on about that stuff, but let's get to the point.  How can you clear your own chakras?  Yes, I can help you, so can some other amazing energy workers.  But YOU can do this, and I encourage you to try!  Take what you like, toss what you don't.  Modify it to work for you.

So.  Take a deep breath, with energy flowing up from your pelvis, all the way up, through your hips, belly, chest, throat, head, and gently releasing all the way out through the top of your head.  Try this a few times.  If you'd rather breathe up through your feet that's totally fine.  Once you become a little aware of your breathing, of energy or even air flowing through you, imagine that we want to release stuff we're holding on to that no longer serves us, and replace it with what we do need or want to invite in. 

Take a huge breath in from the top of your head, and feel it gently flowing all the way down to your pelvic floor.  This is your foundation.   Your base.  Imagine that white light gently splashing down and turning to a brilliant and comfortable shade of red.  You are inviting in grouding, power, stability, your foundation.  Let that red swirl.  You may get an image of something nthat represents all of this.  If you do, focus on that image and allow it to merge with the root chakra.

Not let that white energy flow down from the top of your head, bringing it down with a deep breath, and as it gets to your hip area and the space around your zipper area, imagine it splashing down and turning to a brilliant orange.  You may feel it spinning, or swirling.  If there's any resistance to this or any color, ask what it is.  Be open to any images, feelings, emotions, ages, etc that may give you an answer. 

Breathe...  Bringing it down fromthe sun, heavens, stars, or wherever, allow that white light to flow down to the base of your breast bone.  This is your power center.  Yellow.  Let that yellow swirl.  What does your own inner power look like?  Is there any resistance when it tries to flow through you?  Why?  What do you need to know?

Breath coming down from above, into your heart.  Green.  I imagine flowers blooming, in  huge green field of tall grass, gently swaying in the breeze.  Is your heart locked up tight?  What does it look or feel like?  What does it want? 

Back down to the throat, blue.  What do you feel?  Is your throat open?  Tight?  Locked?  Tired?  What does opening it up look or feel like?  I see musical notes floating through it. 

Deep breath into your forehead, and as you do imagine the cobwebs being removed, energy flowing, your sinus clearing.  That light is purple and divine.  It knows whatever you need to heal.

Now imagine that white light, going all the way down to your root, changing to red.  Spinning, clearing.  I often see little chards of grey or black sort of being magnetically removed when I do a clearning.  When the red feels good, do the same, going to the orange, then yellow, green, blue, purple, and white.  When you're done, imagine your power center becoming a brilliant light and sort of exploding (in a gentle way) out from within and surrounding you in light.  Your coccoon of light. 

Again, you can modify this to whatever feels good for you.  It may change for you every time you do it, and that's fine, too!  If your colors are different than mine, alright!  I'd love to hear about your experiences and hope that this exercise helps you release old gunk and replace it with what you need.

Years ago when I saw John Edward (Or Johnathan?  The psychic, not the politician) on a television show the host asked him to do a quick read on him.  He said he wouldn't do that because he likes to get ready first.  That made me a little skeptical of his abilities, because up till now I've considered myself lucky to be able turn my psychic gifts on or off simply by closing or opening my eyes.  By refusing to read the host on the spot, he was protecting his energy. Something I'm learning! 

Yesterday I found myself in one of the most bizarre situations that proved to be a lesson in why it's important for me to be Sara the Psychic when I'm on the clock and Just Sara when I'm in a social situation.  I also I wish I had listened to the voices in my head urging to stay home, which would have avoided the situation all together.  I, being human and with an abunance of free will, ignored them. Someone asked me a question and about 20 minutes later I was asked to leave.  Yup.  Essentially uninvited to the party.  That was a first for me!  But after a lovely snowshoe in the woods and deep snow I counted that visit as a postive experience. 

This is not an unfamiliar situation for me to be in.  Ask me a question, I'll give you an answer.  If my eyes are closed, I'm answering you as Psychic Sara.  If you sort of "dare" me to tell you something about you, but don't ask a specific question, brace yourself.  Especially if I've had a glass of wine!  When I'm doing a reading I'm not really there, and your guides or higher self may see this as an opportunity to tell you what you really need to hear.  Which may not be what you WANT to hear!  So.  Don't Ask Don't Tell may be my new motto.

Luckily I do this with no ego involved.  If I relay a message and the client tells me I'm wrong, I say ok.  But I'll ask the psychic magic 8 ball if I need to still try to get them to hear the message.  If they say yes, I rephrase it or they give me a different image to use to present it with the hopes their guides can get through.  I dated a guy a few years ago who didn't believe in a thing I did.  That was fine with me, because it meant I got to be Just Sara when we hung out!  Until his friends started razzing him about my career...  And then at dinner one night he told me "I don't believe in what you do, so what do you get on me?"  Dun dun duhhhhhhhh. 

You know where this is going.  And it went there FAST.

I knew this was essentially the last suppah so I closed my eyes and told him what I got.  The man had so much potential but self sabotaged himself.  His grandfather came through to talk, and he said, "Oh Hi Pop."  I said no, that is your dads dad.  I have your mom's dad on the line.  Silence.  I relayed the rest of the messages, opened my eyes, and he was looking out the window.  As we walked to the car he said "This is never going to work."  No shit!

That was really funny to me, acutally.  I know I'm not making this stuff up and I also know that some people who are really either hiding or avoiding usually don't enjoy being around me.  LOL!  So.  Don't Ask, and I won't tell.  Unless you're paying me.

I guess I got a reminder that this really is a career and I'm more than just a cool party trick.  Because the trick was on me yesterday.  But I'm grateful for the reminder for me to chose my circles wisely and keep my eyes open when I'm off the clock! 

The other day the bottom door to my woodstove got stuck on the ash drawer inside.   No matter what I tried I could not open it, which meant I couldn't really build a good fire or empty it out.  Z helped, I swore at it (when he wasn't around), I begged for the angels, tried searching for information or advice online (I suck at doing that), and asked a few people but no one could help me.

So what did I do?  I let the fire go out and came home to a really cold house.  The heat is set at 55, but I hate using the propane and it was just unsatisfyingly cold.  And then I got pissed.  Pissed that I had no one to help me.  Or was I really more upset that I couldn't figure it out myself?  That was it.  So I took a bbq fork, opened both the side and front doors of the stove, and tried to poke through the grate to push the ash door and hopefully make some progress.

Nothing.

I called my friend Johnny, who is my stand in husband for some of the things I'm just not capable of doing (like replacing the motor in my washing machine, getting a Christmas tree home or figuring out some car issues).  He asked if I could get into the drawer from above.  I said no.  Then I took the bbq tool, put it in the slot in the grate, twisted it and lifted.  The grate budged!  NO WAY! 

I used my fingers to pry it out, then cleaned out the over stuffed ash box and the stuck door opened easily!  I cleaned out the rest of the compartment, replaced the grate and started a rager of a fire.  My house is now toasty and I'm feeling pretty accomplished.  My fingernails are still filthy but they represesnt a moment of empowerment for me.

I was cooking dinner last night after all this went down, and all of a sudden I had a revelation.  For most of my life I have been wanting someone to take care of me.  Not to take care of me per say, but to SHOW me that they were capable of it.  There were a lot of times in my childhood that I wanted to be taken care of.  I had a job as soon as I was old enough to babysit in 5th grade.  I made my own money.  I then worked at the Littleton Apothecary.  Then I had money, so I had to buy my own clothes.  And then I had my money that I had made, so I started paying for travel.  I went to texas in 8th grade and I paid for it.  My parents may have given me some spending money, but I know that I bought my ticket.  Then my junior year of high school I went on a trip with the school to France, Italy and England.  I paid for it.  Then I went to college, and I had to pay for my expenses while I was there, inluding books, so I got multiple jobs in the field house and busted my ass.  My parents paid for 2 years, I had to pay for 2 years. 

So.  All of my life I've had to really take care of myself.  I was the one who got my brother up and made our lunches.  I helped fold the laundry (and remember getting reprimanded once because I had left it folded on the kitchen table and not brought upstairs), I fired up the woodstove after school and had more responsibilities than a lot of my friends did.  My father was an alcoholic and my mother went back to work full time when I was in maybe 4th grade.  I think it's fair to say we were all struggling in our own way.

Because of that, I just want to be shown that I am worthy of being taken care of.  WOW.  That's pretty intense.  Is that really it?  I get a yes.  I have shifted to being proud of what I'm capable of.  This morning I shoveled the deck, raked the roof, shoveled to the woodpile, the shed and the propane tank.  Then I cleared off  my car and did the dishes.  I didn't mind doing it, either.  But that stuff is relatively easy.  The hard stuff, like the woodstove issue, is when I don't want to step and and fix it.  I've been "fixing" things my whole life. 

I have no idea if this makes sense to you, but it was a monumenal moment last night when I realized that yes, I am able to fix the woodstove.  And to realize why I have resented taking care of things like that was incredible.  I'm not a victim.  I'm a hard worker.  I have always been.  But last night I realized I have always been because it wasn't an option.  I guess I want the option to ask and receive help.  And knowing this means that door has been opened.

Wow, it's been a long time since I've posted!  Which is funny, because I often see my life in mini blog posts.  Apparently I've been busy!  And I really have been.  I deemed 2015 my year.  This is the year I am going to get my shit together and do things I enjoy like embracin abundance, enjoying music, being outdoors and writing.  I'm going to surround myself with awesome people and perhaps even find love.  So far things are going pretty well!  I've been tele skiing, cross country skiing, snow shoeing, enjoying my time with Z, having a blast doing readings and being on the radio, and have reconnected with some people that are helping me have and be fun again.  It feels like it's been a long time since I've felt playful, and after a few months of shoveling tons of snow I do believe I am!  It's about time...

As I write this I realize that I am neglecting the writing part.  Which is so strange, because I LOVE writing!  I had an experience where a grouse hit my window and I thought I had posted about it, but apparently I didn't.  I wrote it out in my head though.  I made a labryinth in the snow on a beautiful sunny day and wanted to tell you about that, too.  That was a powerful experience!  I walked in spirals letting go of lots of stuff and then did it in reverse inviting in all sorts of amazingness.  Is that even a word?  LOL!  It is now!  I have three books partially written.  One is on my life as a psychic, another is on my meandering path to the light (how I was raised Catholic and how it just didn't feel right to me.  But through all this "witchy" stuff I have a pretty great relationship with my higher powers now), and another on death.  I love the last one!!!  I have even interviewed some of my friends on the other side and they shared what it was like for them to cross, and what they do with their time now.  That one is the one I need to get back to.  It's incredible....

Well perhaps this was the little kick in the butt I needed!  I could chat with you all day.  But it's snowing- again- so I guess I'm off to shovel.  Again.  Good thing I'm still enjoying it! 

Have you met me?  I like to talk.  So does my child.  He gets to sleep in my bed once a week and last night we snuggled up.  I didn't sleep very well.  Actually, I'm not sure I would even call my time in my bed last night sleep.  I was thirsty, tired, awake, thinking and revisiting the past week in my head and wondering about what this week has in store.  Not what you should be doing while your body and mind regroup!  But last night was not my night to sleep.

Z loves to know what time it is.  He woke up, asked me what time it was (I have no clock in my room, only my phone), and it was 6:47am.  He rolled over and seemed placated.  Then he asked (second question of my day, mind you) if Christmas would be the same day next year.  Um, what?  Will it be on a Thursday next year?  As I tried to figure out what he was talking about I told him that Christmas is always December 25th.  I compared it to Thanksgiving, which is always the third Thursday in November. For that Thanksgiving the date can change, but not for Christmas.  Which led to the discussion about Christmas.

I asked him if he knew what Christmas was really about.  Nope.  I KNOW we've had this conversation before, but I told him about this woman named Mary (skipped the virgin part) who had a kid in a barn.  His name was Christ.  And there were some wise men and sheep that were there, too.  You know what he said?  "Mom.  Before he died he was punched in the face."  I laugh even typing that!!!!  His friends have been through CCD and apparently this is what they've told him.  Yeah, the poor guy had  a rough time on that cross.  I'm not sure he was punched in the FACE, but he died.  What the heck are they telling these Catholic kids?

That conversation ended.  Thank God.  Or Christ?  Nah.  I think we thank God for that.  Where the hell is my bible?  Oh right.  I don't have one.

Then, a few minutes after the Christmas conversation ended, I tooted.  Farted.  I didn't mean to, but it snuck out and it wasn't quiet.  First thing I said was "It wasn't me."  Well, it was just me and him in my room.  You know what he said?  "MOM. Sophie isn't here any more, so you can't blame her."  Dammit.  She only left us this past Thursday but oh how I miss that dog.  The cat was outside and there was clearly no one else who could have produced that noise.  Of course, the smell of roses is a bonus.  I fart roses.  Did I mention that?

I know later today as we were skiing at Bretton Woods I expained why ski patrolers have sleds, and how they get them up the mountain.  I also had to explain how I telemark ski and why I make such funny turns. On our walk to the car after our three or four runs he tried to justify how saying "drawed" instead of "drew" sounds better. Yes, these are the conversations I have with Z.

Right now it's dinner time and before he would get into the shower we had to have a ninja fight, and he needed to win.  It was tough for me to lose.  Especially since I'm a ninja.  But he just emerged showered and spring time fresh! 

There were so many other Z stories I wanted to share with you, but I can't remember any of them right now. I guess they were for me to share with my boy and not with you.  What you have read is just a snippit of my life raising my now 9 year old boy named Zachary.  It's always interesting to say the least! 

Sara

On Thursday we said goodbye to our sweet Sophie.  She was a 9 year old yellow lab, too young to die and too healthy looking to believe something was wrong until the months before her passing.  She jumped like no other dog I've ever met, would greet everyone with a gigantic barking fit then would thread herself through your legs, almost knocking you down if you weren't expecting it.  Sophie was the child we had before we had Z.  She was sweet, frustrating, gentle and a chippie killer if given the opportunity.  She was not my dog for many years.  When we were married and she wasn't even a year old, we got her a pink dog tag at the Fryeburg Fair.  I put Peter's name and number as the contact, knowing she was more his than mine.  When we seperated that February she went with him.  She was his dog, his companion, and security.  I loved her but knew she wasn't mine. 

In the year leading up to her death I taught about 5 workshops on animal communicating.  In each one, I asked them what Sophie had to say.  Every single person said she wanted to see more of me.  This past April she started living on the same schedule my son Z has; week with me, week with Peter.  The week she showed up at my house she had gotten into something rotten and after one round of anti and probiotics she got better.  But she was never quite right.  She'd puke a lot, and on any run or walk she'd chow on the grass and puke it up later.  The vets chalked it up to heartburn, but something else was clearly going on.  It took me a bit to get used to having a dog around, but it turns out I really loved it!

The past few weeks poor sophie was so sick.  She'd get up in the middle of the night and pace and drool, leaving bile covered parallel lines all over the house.  I didn't get angry, but I was worried.  I took her to the vet and so did Peter.  Nothing seemed to help. 

Sopha started loosing weight and soon it was clear she was ready to go.  Even typing that my eyes well up and I'm so sad that she's not here.  I'm so grateful that she made it clear, though, and that for the past few years I've been doing readings for people in the same situation.  The pain of saying goodbye to a loved one falls on the survivor; the ones going are always ok with the transition.  Looking into your dogs eyes as they take their last breath brings reality to the situation and it rips your heart out.

Tonight i went out to get a load of firewood.  The floodlight illuminated the side yard, which is covered in Sophie's tracks.  It made me so sad to know that with the next storm those will be erased forever.  It's only been three days since we said goodbye to her.  The first day was obvioulsy the worst.  Yesterday I teetered between crying all day and just amazement that she was actually gone from this physical plane.  Today I cried when I told someone about the final moments we had and what it was like to be with her in room 6.  The room  you go in at the vet when they know you'll be leaving without your animal compantion physcially at your side.

I miss Sophie.  She was a good girl.  I'm sorry she suffered.  I'm glad I can chat with her.  Just like my mom, they can both come in and say hello whenever they want.  But ph what I wouldn't give for one more kiss, snuggle or moment.  I'm so grateful I got to reconnect with her and be a part of her final year.  Funny how the universe works!  Rest in peace miss Sopha.  I look forward to reuniting with you when my time comes. 

I am so excited for the upcoming online classes I'm teaching!  Starting the first week I'll be back to teaching my online Animal Communicating and Tuning In classes followed by Shedding Layers and Defining You.  The last two are new and are going to knock your socks off!  Seriously.  I am beyond psyched for you to participate! 

So I was telling someone the other day about how I teach people to do what I do.  They laughed at me and said that I was nuts.  Perhaps, but that's not the point.  When I teach the in person Animal Communicating workhop, which is only 2 hours, people are doing psychic readings by the end of it.  Most people are.  There's sometimes or or two out of up to 25 who may need more time to figure things out and let it flow.  In the online class I teach you how to tune in using all of your senses.  I teach you how to be aware when energy is trying to get your attention and "chat" with you, how to do it safely and without draining your own energy, and then I teach you super simple ways to ask and answer yes/no questions.

And voila!  You're using your own psychic gifts!  I always laugh when people figure it out, because it's really not that difficult for a lot them once they have to right tools or approach.  When I do a reading I sort of check out and the information just flows through me in pictures, feelings, words and just in that sixth sense of knowing.  I wish that I (Sara/mom) was as eloquent in my every day life as I am when I'm simply being a conduit for your information.  Some of the stuff that comes out of my mouth is so profound and beautiful, and I don't get to claim credit for it! 

This holiday season if you're wondering what to get the person who has everything, or you want to give something totally unique gift them with a reading or a workshop.  Plus, you don't even have to go to the store!