|Posted by Sara Moore on 11 May, 2015 at 10:05|
Yesterdays post is a good lead in to chat about expectations. Some part of me has this expectation that my son should want to put a worm on a hook and enjoy all the boyness of the act. When I was his age I hated touching the squirmy things so it seems odd that I would think he'd like it. So are my expectations that my 9 year old son (who hates getting really dirty) will do this on his own perhaps unrealistic? Yes. Yesterday when we went fishing I told him that he HAD to try at least holding a worm and hopefully get it on a hook. I was frustrated and grumpy. Which made him frustrated and grumpy. After working all angles to get him to try it, he got as far as touching the worm while I was holding it. Some would say this was progress. In the moment, I saw this as simply frustrating.
Why was it even a big deal? Well, every time I'd cast and start to enjoy fishing I'd have to stop and help him. It was terribly annoying. UNTIL I said, Screw It, I don't need to fish and I will find joy in WATCHING him fish. You know what? As soon as I shifted my expectations (or more importantly let them go), he caught a decent size bass and the worms miraculously started staying on his hook. Even better: we had fun. Who knew, huh? Bottom line is I have no idea when he'll figure out how to fish on his own. If he doesn't, it'll still fun to be able to spend time with him. My expectations were setting us both up to fail. And man did we ever fail.
How many times do your expectations for someone result in disappointment? I can honestly say it is happening less frequently to me now that I'm becoming more aware of it. There are some people that I just have to accept for who they are and not be so fully invested in how I may perceive their choices are negatively affecting them. I do get frustrated with people who I feel have more potential than what they're realizing, but it's their choice. Who the hell am I to judge them for that?! So I'm working on being present with no expectations.
Yesterday Z and I ended mother's day by getting an ice cream in North Conway right across from the Scenic Vista rest area. It's quite beautiful and we could see Mount Washington through a layer of foggy clouds. Sitting peacefully beside my boy, I watched as a hawk started circling up, higher and higher, riding the wind. Hawks are so symblic for me because they remind me that we can shift our perspective and see things from above. Sometimes street view can be muddled. But when you rise up you can see the other circumstances or players that may be affecting a given situation. It can also be a good way to check back in with your expectations of a situation and evaluate if perhaps they are unfair, unrealistic or simply no longer necessary.